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Monday, January 24, 2011

A Witty Guide to U.S NewsPapers

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run the country.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however like the smog statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The LosAngeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave L.A. to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country either, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority, feministic atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are democrats.
10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

40 years of Mariage

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. 

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.' 

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband. '

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. 

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. 

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful should remember fairies are female..... 



The Chinese Way

A Chinese man arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at it.
When finished, the Chinese runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into the bed with the hooker and commences a repeat performance.
The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter.
When finished, the Chinese jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into the bed with the hooker and starts again.
The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four times.
During the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself. So when they were done she jumps up, goes to the window, and takes a deep breath of fresh air, dives under the bed,…and……finds four Chinese men.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Three ladies are sitting in a bar and doing what women do..

Three ladies are sitting in a bar. All of them have husbands named Larry. One lady asks, "If you could name your husband after any soda pop, what would it be?"
The first lady thinks for a minute and says, "Moutain Dew, because he can mount and do me anytime."
The second lady thinks for awhile and finally says, "7-Up, because he has seven inches and can always get it up."
The third lady thinks for a long time and finally says, "Jack Daniels."
The other ladies look at her with a confused look and say, "Wait a minute, Jack Daniels is a hard liquor."
The third lady says, "Yep, thats my Larry!"

Friday, January 21, 2011

The Witty Clerk

A woman went to a market in Mexico and very loudly and obnoxiously demanded a half a melon. The clerk told her politely that the melons were only sold whole, but she continued to rant about only wanting a half melon. The clerk excused himself and went to the back of the store to talk to the manager.
Not realizing that the customer had followed him. He told the manager, “A loud, rude, and obnoxious woman wants me to sell her a half a melon.”
He instantly realized that the woman was right behind him, and quickly aded, “And this nice lady wants to buy the other half.”
The manager cut the melon in half, sold it to the woman and, as she happily left the store, he turned to the clerk and complimented him on his quick reactions and his calmness under pressure.
“I am opening another store in Veracruz and I think you would be the perfect man to manage the whole operation,” he told the clerk.
“Veracruz!” said the clerk, “Who would want to live in Veracruz? There is nothing there except baseball players and whores.”
“My wife comes from Veracruz!” responded the boss.
“Oh” said the clerk. “And does your wife bat right-handed or left-handed?”

Peter Griffin for the win..





Got the video from here

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Interesting Puzzles ...... 1 a day... Number 4

1. If you had a ton of feathers and a ton of stones which would be heavier?



2. Two women apply for a job. They are identical. They have the same mother, father and birthday. The interviewer asks, "Are you twins?" to which they honestly reply, "No".

How is this possible?

 3. A man can make perfect counterfeit bills. They look exactly like real ones, they're made of exactly the same materials, made the same way, everything. So perfect, one could pretty much call them real bills. One day he successfully makes a perfect copy of another bill. However, he gets caught when he tries to use the copy. How is this possible?

4. How far can a dog run into the forest?

5. You are given eight coins and told that one of them is counterfeit. The counterfeit one is slightly heavier than the other seven. Otherwise, the coins look identical. Using a simple balance scale, can you determine which coin is counterfeit using the scale the least number of times?








Ladies man - gentleman

Daniel fancied himself quite a ladies man, so when his cruise ship went down in a storm and he found himself stranded on a desert island with six women, he couldn’t believe his good fortune. They quickly agreed that each woman would have one night a week with the only man.
Daniel threw himself into the arrangement with gusto, working even on his day off, but as the weeks stretched into months, he found himself looking forward to that day of rest more and more eagerly.
One afternoon he was sitting on the beach and wishing for some more men to share his duties when he caught sight of a man waving from a life raft that was bobbing on the waves. Daniel swam out, pulled the raft to shore, and did a little jig of happiness.
“You can’t believe how happy I am to see you,” he cried.
The new fellow eyed him up and down and cooed, “You’re a sight for sore eyes, too, you gorgeous thing!”
“Crap,” sighed Daniel, “there go my Sundays.”

Little Johnny's at it again

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a show of hands from those who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on Little Mona, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”
“Very good, Mona,” replied the teacher. She then called on Michael. “My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully,” he said.
“Excellent, Michael!”
Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny…
Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, “Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!”

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Interesting Puzzles ...... 1 a day... Number 3

A completely black dog was strolling down Main Street during a total blackout affecting the entire town. Not a single streetlight had been on for hours. Just as the dog was crossing the middle line a Buick Skylark with 2 broken headlights speedily approaches his position, but manages to swerve out of the way just in time. How could the driver have possibly seen the dog to swerve in time?
,
,
,
Stumped?

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Man Stranded on a deserted Island for 10 years....

A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to the shore in a wetsuit....
Man: "Hi! Am I ever so happy to see you."
Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"
Man: "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man a cigarette.
Man: "Oh thank you so much!"
Girl: "So tell me how long its been since you had a drink?"
Man: "It's been ten years" The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink.
Man: "Oh... thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"
Girl: [Starting to unzip the front of her wet suit.] "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?"
Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there too?!"

 A couple more after the jump

Interesting Puzzles ...... 1 a day... Number 2

An 18-wheeler is crossing a 4 kilometer bridge that can only support 10,000 kilograms and that's exactly how much the rig weighs. Halfway across the bridge a 30 gram sparrow lands on the cab, but the bridge doesn't collapse. Why not?
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Read more to find the answer...

Mother of All Oxymorons....

An oxymoron is usually defined as a phrase in which two words of contradictory meaning are brought together:
Read till end
1) Clearly misunderstood
2) Exact Estimate
3) Small Crowd
4) Act Naturally
5) Found Missing
6) Fully Empty
7) Pretty ugly
8) Seriously funny
9) Only choice
10) Original copies
And the Mother of all......
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11) Happily Married

Blonde joke...

Question. Why was the blond's belly button sore?
Answer. Because her boyfriend was blond too.

Beer Drinking good for your health - New Study

Doctors have suggested that drinking up to a pint of beer a day is good for the health and can reduce the risk of diabetes and high blood pressure.
They claimed that moderate consumption could even help people lose weight if combined with a healthy diet.
Doctors Ramon Estruch and Rosa Lamuela tested 1,249 men and women over 57 years old.
Those who accompanied a Mediterranean diet with up to a pint of beer 'not only did not put on weight, but in some cases even lost weight'.
The doctors found beer provides the same health benefits attributed to moderate consumption of wine.
"In this study we banish myths. We know that beer is not to blame for obesity," the Daily Mail quoted Dr Lamuela as saying.
Beer contains folic acid, vitamins, iron and calcium, which the study claims provide a 'protective' effect on the cardiovascular system.
The subjects who regularly drank moderate amounts of beer were less likely to suffer from diabetes and high blood pressure, and had a lower body fat content.
The researchers from Barcelona and Madrid suggested women should drink two small glasses of beer a day while men should drink three, combined with a healthy diet and exercise.


Original Post here

Monday, January 17, 2011

Interesting Puzzles ...... 1 a day...

An Arab sheik tells his two sons to race their camels to a distant city to see who will inherit his fortune. The one whose camel is slower will win. The brothers, after wandering aimlessly for days, ask a wise man for advise. After hearing the advice they jump on the camels and race as fast as they can to the city. What does the wise man say?
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Answer after the Jump.....

The wiseman tells them to switch camels!!!

Two Novels for one...

I have already started the first one :)

More Cats.....

Wallpaper....

Cat Stretch...

Cat Stretch part 2
 Take a Jump for some more pics....

Push back

Sunday, January 16, 2011

This is how Gentlemen Dispute..My Good Sir, Do you Agree?


Pardon me, do you mind terribly if I assassinate you?

Genius..Ingenuity....Whatever...




Women are Like...

Some more jokes

Smart man + smart woman = Romance
Smart man + dumb woman = One Night Stand
Dumb man + smart woman = Affair
Dumb man + dumb woman = Marriage


My wife doesn't care what I do away from home, as long as I don't enjoy it.


Question: What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
Answer: The PGA tour.


Question: What did one tampon say to the other?
Answer: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.


Question: How many Software Engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
Answer: None. It's a hardware problem!


Finally,

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher. "Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"





Thursday, January 13, 2011

some more funny catzz.....




When in Panic.....

Revenge...

Sometimes it doesn't work out

Kung Fu......


I wish we had something like this for our other exams as well..

Best Twilight Review

my name is bella. bella swan. here's what stephenie didn't tell you. it's super-duper-important.

on the morning after it rained, it was rainy outside and i frowned at it being so rainy all the time. i chuckled to myself, darn weather! i stared at the rain outside, which is where they usually keep the rain. there was never any rain in phoenix. i love phoenix. i hate rain. 


i tripped over a large air pocket on my bedroom floor and bashed my skull into the corner of my bookcase, which had three shelves and was faux wood veneer. after i applied cold compresses and stanched most of the bleeding, i drove to school, but they must have moved the school building across town. i chuckled to myself, darn school moving people!


after i drove around for a few hours looking for where they put the building, edward cullen pulled up alongside me in his shiny, silver volvo, which was silver and a saab, i think. his well-muscled chest was riding shotgun, wearing a blue-gray waffle knit long-sleeved t-shirt, relaxed fit jeans with contrast stitching in a lightly distressed wash, and an ivory-colored jacket made from the dyed skins of clubbed baby seals. he dressed very well, like someone who wears nice clothes.


his well-muscled chest waved to me like an old friend, but edward glowered at me from the driver's seat. his eyes were black. i think he came down with glaucoma.


even though he glared at me and gave me the finger, he smiled and told me to follow him to school. he knew where they kept it. i wonder how he found out. but just then, i nearly tripped over my gas pedal and fell through the windshield. i am so clumsy. when we got to school, edward's well-muscled chest walked me to english class. 


"try to be careful in there," the chest giggled while at the same time giving me a sinister sideward glance that made the blood in the veins under my skin in my body feel ice-cold.


"haha," i giggled, tapping the chest on its rippling pectorals. "very funny," i then said running my finger around his kennedy-half-dollar sized nipples. "i'll try to be careful," i joked, alarmed at the unearthly chill emitted by his taut obliques.


everyone stared at us in the hallway, which was a long interior space allowing access to various doors. the students were wearing clothes and talking and carrying books. through the windows of the classroom which looked onto the out-of-doors, i could see the rain was still raining outside. then i tripped over my clitoris and fell into a galvanized steel av cart on casters. three people were seriously injured.


i chuckled and turn bright red. how embarrassing.


at the end of the school day edward cullen came to walk me to my car. his chest was nowhere to be seen. probably at banana republic or out hunting mountain lions again. i chuckled to myself, darn chest!


"where's my car?" i giggled after chuckling for a while.


"don't you remember that you totaled it this morning when you drove into the orphan's hospital?" he said. he was looking at me with his eyes. he gave me his ivory jacket to keep me dry from the rain, which is usually very wet. then he looked at me again, smiling with the right half of his mouth but frowning with the left half of his mouth and oddly expressionless in the middle part of his mouth.


"you know," i said, falling over a parking bumper into a rack of bicycles, "rain isn't the only thing there is that gets me wet."


"let's just be friends," he hissed, arching an eyebrow, flexing his sinewy wrists, and flaring his beautiful muscular nostrils.


i realized then he might be a vampire. or really gay. or a really gay vampire. 


i should have known. he had erasure cassettes in the car.

Original Article.

Why is Dropbox more popular than other tools with similar functionality? - Funny Answers....

Well, let's take a step back and think about the sync problem and what the ideal solution for it would do:

  • There would be a folder.
  • You'd put your stuff in it.
  • It would sync.

They built that.

Why didn't anyone else build that?  I have no idea.

"But," you may ask, "so much more you could do!  What about task management, calendaring, customized dashboards, virtual white boarding.  More than just folders and files!"

No, shut up.  People don't use that crap.  They just want a folder.  A folder that syncs.

"But," you may say, "this is valuable data...certainly users will feel more comfortable tying their data to Windows Live, Apple Mobile Me, or a name they already know.

No, shut up.  Not a single person on Earth wakes up in the morning worried about deriving more value from their Windows Live login.  People already trust folders.  And Dropbox looks just like a folder.  One that syncs.

"But," you may say, "folders are so 1995.  why not leverage the full power of the web?  With HTML 5 you can drag and drop files, you can build intergalactic dashboards of stats showing how much storage you are using, you can publish your files as RSS feeds and tweets, and you can add your company logo!

No, shut up.  Most of the world doesn't sit in front of their browser all day.   If they do, it is IE 6 at work that they are not allowed to upgrade.  Browsers suck for these kinds of things.  Their stuff is already in folders.  They just want a folder.  That syncs.

That is what it does.


The Original Post Here

Cats to Die for

After the previous post, I felt that I needed to post something vibrant and lively to brighten the mood.. So here is a Kitten. As usual, this can also be used as a wallpaper.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Doctor Plumber

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600. The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!." The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

Why Egyptians Worshipped Cats

Click on Image for the bigger resolution. Also can be used as a wallpaper.

Bottle Star Galactica......


This one is a cool wallpaper. Click on the image for larger view.

Why Men cannot be..........


Click on the image for larger picture. You can also use this as a Wallpaper

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Hangover..Part 2

This Post is not about Hangover (the movie )
Why is the picture here the,  you ask? well, just to confuse you..he heee..

Funny Movie Though..



The Post is about the Hungover Animals


Horsing Around
  
Puppy Tales ....

Only One Bottle eh?
 

Garfield Wishes.....

To every one for whom its night, Sleep Tight.
And to those sleeping late, "Wake up, Sleepy Head"

Funny Tigers ..Part 2

The best Tiger.... and friend



 Let there be a jump......

Exams are like Girlfriends...

Exams are like Girlfriends:
- Too many questions
- Difficult to understand
- More explanation is needed
- Result is always fail!

Monday, January 10, 2011

Funny Cows





Cats..Funny


Best Buddies


The Art of Choosing..Interesting

I had done a post about choices and the TED talk by Dr. Barry Schwartz (Paradox of Choice) showing us that a wealth of choices could very well depress us instead of freeing/empowering us.

Along the same line is this TED talk by Sheena Iyengar on the Art of Choosing.

About the talk: 
Sheena Iyengar studies how we make choices -- and how we feel about the choices we make. At TEDGlobal, she talks about both trivial choices (Coke v. Pepsi) and profound ones, and shares her groundbreaking research that has uncovered some surprising attitudes about our decisions.

Hope you Enjoy.

Video:






P.S: The TED website has some interesting features like Interactive Transcript. Do take a gander.

My 50 Posts...

I didn't realize that I am done with 50 posts. When I had started, I had no hopes of finishing these many posts. Thanks to the readers and Followers for the Support.

A couple of Wall Papers. The first one is amazingly beautiful and the second one is Meals on Wheels (Slow Wheels that too).
























A Couple of funny ones after the jump....

Count The Number of Triangles in this


Who can forget some of the earliest ads which would ask us to count the number of triangles and lure us into weird web pages which would ask us to take an IQ test. And most of us would have taken one  showing that we have the IQ of a door knob which is at the bottom of the river  :)

By the way, This is a Wallpaper as well...

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