Man Stranded on a deserted Island for 10 years....

A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to the shore in a wetsuit....

Man: "Hi! Am I ever so happy to see you."

Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

Man: "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man a cigarette.

Man: "Oh thank you so much!"

Girl: "So tell me how long its been since you had a drink?"

Man: "It's been ten years" The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink.

Man: "Oh... thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"

Girl: [Starting to unzip the front of her wet suit.] "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?"

Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there too?!"

 A couple more after the jump

 

Eddie came to work Monday and his co-workers asked him how his weekend was. He said he played a little golf. So his co-worker asked him how well he did.

"I hit two of my best balls," he said.

"Tell me about it," said his co-worker.

"I stepped on a rake."

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Question. What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

Answer. A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes!

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One Friday, two women were sitting and talking. One woman looked up and saw her husband coming down the street with a bunch of flowers in his hand.

She rolled her eyes and said, “There comes the asshole with flowers in his hand. Now he'll expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air.”

Her friend promptly replied, “Don't you have a vase?”